Posts filed under 'Emotional Roller Coaster'
[Don’t like when I get mushy? Go to the last paragragh.]
The day mom was deployed to Alaska we got up really early. It was five am, maybe earlier. Mom, dad & I faking happy faces, saying nice things, trying to stay relax… making lemonade from lemons. I was like paparazzi following her everywhere taking pictures of the most insignificant move. But almost all of it came out wrong because of her teary eyes. 
At six o clock we where already at the airport… luggage checked in and all… We where just waiting, making funny comments to keep our spirits up. Mom hugged dad many times… Shared a cup of coffe. Their last until 18 months. I was too emotional to eat. At seven o clock she decided it was time to say goodbye. She hug dad trying to keep a smile on her face. Then she hugged me. We didn’t cry. 
She started walking away and then I said I wanted another hug. I walked to her. She hugged me really hard and cried. I cried too. Looking directly to my eyes she said: "Remember the way you will make me happy" All the private conversations we had the previous days came to my mind in that instant. I looked at her trying to smile, inhaled really deep few times. Tried to smile again and hugged her. I couldn’t say a word. Then she walked away. This time she was crying… And every person seeing us at the airport was crying as well. It seemed like the time had stopped for a few minutes and we where the center of everything. After she walked thought security I stayed watching her walk away, recording every step in silence. At that moment I promised myself that I will take control of my life. I won’t let others rule my life any longer. Somehow at that very moment something clicked in my mind. This is the time for a new beginning. It’s time to stop feeling sorry about myself and start taking care of things. I’m young. My life isn’t over because I failed in one area of my life. It is over when I decide it’s over. In the meantime I have to keep trying to follow my dreams. Find and pursue my purpose in life no matter whom or what get in the middle. Failures aren’t a signal that you are a looser. Failures, difficulties and problems are opportunities to grow.
The day after mom left was my 34th birthday. Instead of being sad all day, I celebrated.
Here’s Me, Mayra, Edwardo, Enid, Stephany, and Gioeniliz celebrating my birthday. I HAVE THE BEST FAMILY IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Although I don’t see them very often, they are always with me when when I need them most. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Here’s a closeup of Stephany’s new smile. Does she looks cute or what? 
DON’T COPY ANY OF THESE PICTURES! Only family members are authorized. If I see any of my pictures published elsewhere, I’ll hunt you down!
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July 31st, 2006
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces everytime
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
You had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I’m not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You’ve seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
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July 15th, 2006
Your Icecream Flavour is…
Cookies ‘n Cream! |
 Smooth and creamy with a few rough bits mixed in, you are a real treat! You are probably very popular amongst your friends. Remember too much of a good thing is not always good! Don’t lay it on too thick! |
What is your Icecream Flavour?
Find out at Go Quiz
—
Last night I dreamed I was eating homemade ice cream… Suddenly I was eating at a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream parlor… Then I found myself walking towards the past (everything was black and beige). It wasn’t my past, but I was in the 1800’s in other body. For some reason, I felt like I’ve been in that place before. Suddenly I woke up with these really weird feeling… and wanting to eat homemade ice cream. Arg! Why is it that when you start a diet temptation comes your way as if you were calling it?
Well… After almost six months of really bad/unhealthy eating habits, I’m finally on Nutri System again. I’m not a 100% yet, but a 75% ‘back on track’ because Mr. Period, Mrs. Migraine & Mr. Depression paid me a visit these week. I eat few meals off program out off sadness, cravings, and frustration. But I’m starting to get back in control. It only takes a little bit of discipline and commitment. Easier said that done, but I try my best during these rough time. As Mom’s deploying date gets closer, I spend more time crying like a stupid over something I can do anything about. But I know I’ll get over it in a few weeks. I made a promise to myself that I’ll do my best to lose weight while she is on duty. That way when she comes back she will see a difference. Just trying to turn the bad into something good for me.
I already went for a walk this morning and exercised a bit, but I still want that homemade ice cream I dreamed about. So guess what, I’m doing it! I’ll share the Ben & Jerry’s recipe just in case you want to make your own ice cream.
Vanilla Oreo (pg.88, Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream & Dessert Book)
Ingredients:
1 cup coarsely chopped Oreo cookies
Sweet Cream Base
2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Process:
1. Place the cookies in a bowl, cover, and refrigerate.
2. Prepare the Sweet Cream Base, adding the vanilla extract with the cream. Transfer to an ice cream maker and freeze following the manufacturer’s instructions.
3. After the ice cream stiffens (about 2 minutes before it is done), add the cookies, then continue freezing until the ice cream is ready. Makes a generous 1 quart.
Don’t have the Sweet Cream Base recipe? Here it is.
Sweet Cream Base (pg.28, Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream & Dessert Book)
Ingredients:
2 large eggs
3/4 cup sugar
2 cups heavy or whipping cream
1 cup milk
Process:
Whisk the eggs in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy, 1 to 2 minutes. Whisk in the sugar, a little at a time, then continue whisking until completely blended, about 1 minute more. Pour in the cream and the milk and whisk to blend. Makes 1 quart.
This is Ben & Jerry’s most popular base. Has creamy texture, medium body, and a subtle, understated taste. It’s especially good as a background for fruit, cookies, and candy.
Don’t have an ice cream making machine? Me either. LOL…
I guess we can use these method.
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July 1st, 2006
Mamita:
Desde que me dijiste que debes ir a cumplir con ordenes militares pienso en tí cada minuto, cada hora, cada día… Siempre estás en mi mente y corazón. No que antes no lo estuvieras, sino que ahora lo estás todo el tiempo. Aun no te vas y ya me haces falta. En ocaciones siento un deseo muy fuerte de mudarme a Guaynabo para estar con ustedes hasta tu partida. Pero, no puedo porque entonces sufriremos más al despedirnos. Yo creía que era fuerte y que podía soportar esto, pero parece que no.
Es de madrugada y estoy preocupada. No por tí, sino por mí. ¿Cómo sobreviviremos? ¿A quién llamaré a las tres de la mañana cuando esté enferma para preguntrarle qué me tomo? ¿Quién me escuchará cuando esté enojada con Michael? ¿Quién aliviará mis pies cansados? Estoy preocupada por papi. ¿Quién lo cuidará cuando necesite cuidado? ¿Quién le acariciará su cabeza para que se quede dormido? ¿Quién le va a recordar que se tome sus pastillas? Aun no te vas y ya mis ojos se llenan de lágrimas todas las noches cuando voy a dormir. Trato de ver el lado positivo de las cosas, pero no lo encuentro. ¿Cómo voy a sobrevivir sin tí? Esa pregunta tortura mi mente y no me deja dormir. Tu eres quien da fuerzas a mis debiles alas. Tu eres quien alimenta mis sueños y esperanzas. Tu, con tu carácter fuerte, has sacado lo mejor de mí. Aunque nunca he sabido decir gracias.
Ayer, mientras hablabamos por teléfono, noté tu voz entrecortada. Yo sé que te sientes igual. Que multiples preguntas invaden tu cabeza y que en ocasiones tampoco puedes dormir. Nadie se enlista en el ejercito deseando ir a ‘field’, pero tu sí. Naciste con vocación para eso de servir a otros. Sé que piensas en mí, en Chuqui, papi, los perros, tus hermanos y las abuelas todo el tiempo. Aun no te vas, y tambien tu nos extrañas.
Mamita… El día está soleado, pero yo lo veo gris.
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June 29th, 2006
Una mañana lluviosa y gris, Juanita Banana Bull levantose de su cama aturdida por la mala noche que había tenido. Aun más dormida que despierta arrastró sus pies sobre el frio suelo en busca de la puerta del baño. Con los ojos todavía cerrados tropezó con el gato, sus dos perros, varios zapatos, ropa sucia mezclada con limpia, platos y cajas con comida vieja. Con cada paso maldecía la hora en que las pastillas de dormir le habían dejado de surtir efecto. El día apenas comenzaba y ya ella deseaba que terminara. Abrió la puerta del baño aturdida, confundida… totalmente desorientada.
-¿Qué día es hoy?-
El mundo le daba vueltas. Los pensamientos no encontraban orden. Los objetos no tenían nombre. Todo le parecía desconocido. Al abrir los ojos para mirarse al espejo, descubrió una mujer sola, desgreñada… extraña.
-¿Quién es esa que me regreza la mirada?-
Cerró los ojos fuertemente y los abrió nuevamente como quien despierta de un sueño… Sólo para descubrir que la misma persona seguia ahí mirandola muy callada. Esta vez sus ojos se llenaron de lágrimas al descubrir que la persona que estaba en aquel espejo seguia ahí.
-¿Habrá algún modo de hacer que te vayas?-
Suspiró… Cerró los ojos y volvió a abrirlos. Enojada… Desesperada… Indignada…
_¡Vete! ¿Quién eres? No te conozco. ¿A qué hora entraste? ¿Cuando te llevaste mi juventud, mis ilusiones y mi belleza? ¿Donde están? ¡Devuelvemelas!
Cerrando sus ojos nuevamente, como no queriendo ver el reflejo de su propio ser, regresó a su cama sin tan siquiera mirar hacia afuera. Apretó sus ojos aun más fuerte deseando dormir para nunca despertar.
_Dios… ¿Por qué no me llevas? ¿Acaso he cometido alguna afrenta en contra tuya para que merezca este castigo? Mi juventud ya se ha ido… No me has dado hijos… Las energías ya me avandonan y tu sigues en tu trono mirando sin hacer nada!!!
-67 segundos pueden cambiar tu vida…
-67 minutos pueden destruirla…
-67 días… ¿Qué pasará en 67 días?
Su mente daba vueltas buscando soluciones donde aparentemente no las habían… Cada posible solución terminaba en un callejón sin salida, provocando que con cada segundo su corazón latiera más fuerte. Ya casi sin aliento… abrazó muy fuerte su almohada y desahogó en un grito la desesperanza que invadía su ser entero.
-No es posible que no haya salida. ¡Tiene que haber una salida!
Lloraba descontroladamente. No había nadie en la casa. Se sentía sola, cansada, acorralada, … un pensamiento traía otro… y otro. Como quien ve a alguien caído y lo patea para terminar de destruirlo.
Sus mascotas, que miraban muy callados el doloroso monólogo, saltaron a la cama y la bañaron de besos. Como diciendo con cada beso ‘Por favor, no llores. Nosotros sí te queremos.’
67 segundos se transformaron en 67 minutos. 67 minutos en 67 horas… Y 67 horas en 67 días.
Una mañana soleada y fresca de primavera. El sol alumbra la habitación entera y Juanita Banana Bull se levanta sonriente… Dichosa de poder amanecer a un nuevo día. A la expectativa de qué nueva sorpresa le traerá su destino. Celebrando que está viva. Que aunque ya los años han pasado y la vida la ha marcado, hay esperanza todavía para construir un futuro nuevo. Que aunque la vida te golpee fuerte, solo el que se queda tirado en el suelo es el que pierde.
La mañana está soleada y Juanita Banana Bull se levanta llena de esperanzas, ilusiones y planes para un futuro nuevo.
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May 15th, 2006
My name is… I think I don’t have an official name yet. But you can refer to me as Leia the Pudgy Princess… I’m a Pure Breed Pug so I MOST have a royalty name.
Since Mommy is too busy cleaning the house. I sneaked into the office to present myself to all her BlogFriends out there.
I used to live in a cold cage in a Pet Shop but yesterday Daddy came to my rescue. He said that my only job was to make Mommy happy so she gets out of depression faster. I don’t know what he meant by that, but I’m trying my best to be as cute as I can be. He also said that I’m her Valentines / Anniversary gift… So, I made sure I move my tail when I saw her… They say dogs look cutter when they do that. So, I did!
I’ve been here less than 24 hours and she said that she loves me already. She tried to take pictures of me but I was running like Flash. In the end, she had a whole bunch of pictures of the floor. LOL But what can I say? I’m only 44 days old! I like to play and run!
Mommy measured me because… I don’t know. I guess she likes to make strange stuff like that. Then she told me I am 4 inches tall and 8 inches long… But I don’t believe her ’cause I was playing while she was measuring me… She also tried to weigh me in a kitchen scale. Boy I was scared as hell! She didn’t accomplish her ‘mission’ but she said I’m less than two pounds.
My new parents never had a dog before. I’m their first one… They used to have a cat and a Beta but they both die last year… They said that if I survive, they can have a baby. Oh Lord! Please protect me from their unexperienced hands!!!
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March 8th, 2006
Hoy me siento creativa, feliz, divertida.
Hoy abro mis ojos a un futuro fresco,
brillante, lleno de esperanzas
y experiencias nuevas.
Hoy soy feliz… porque te tengo.
Pero más aun…
Porque me tengo a mí misma.
Porque el ser que estaba confuso,
desorientado, abatido y perdido
finalmente ha encontrado su camino.
La nube oscura que cubría mi ser,
ya se ha ido.
Hoy puedo ver la luz del sol.
Hoy soy feliz de ser quien soy.
Hoy soy feliz de ser feliz…
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March 1st, 2006
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